After two years of living in fear and feeling trapped in an abusive relationship, I was marked by PTSD and Stockholm Syndrome. My life took a dramatic turn the day he was arrested. Little did I know that moment would serve as the catalyst for my personal transformation. As the court clerk placed the freshly printed restraining order into my trembling hands, their words jolted me into a new reality:
“This will not save your life; learn to defend yourself.”
That statement ignited a remarkable journey. I had to find a way to be my own hero.
The Abyss of Abuse
Living for two years with someone who was supposed to love me was a nightmare. Falling into the trap of a narcissist felt like driving on a road under construction—suddenly, you’re in a lane that shouldn’t exist, and the more you travel it, the more normal it feels.
He found me at a vulnerable time in my life and led me down a path of control, gaslighting, and isolation. I believed he could change. I trusted his words. I thought I could save him, all while he slowly broke down my boundaries.
Freedom Day: September 1, 2010
Leaving an abusive relationship is only the beginning—and often the hardest part. I struggled with the internal conflict his gaslighting had caused: “You can’t do this without me; no one cares about you.” Breaking free was like overcoming an addiction.
Even after the restraining order, the stalking and threatening messages continued. Family and authorities suggested changing my number or moving away, but I refused to let him win. I had fought too hard for my freedom.
A Lifesaving Companion
Before we separated, he surprised me with a puppy. She was independent and stubborn, even at just four weeks old. I named her Enola—later realizing it was “alone” spelled backward. Enola was five weeks old the day I said, “No more.” She became my healer, sensing my distress and grounding me during PTSD flashbacks.
Together, we trained in advanced courses, and Enola earned AKC CGC Certification annually. My therapist eventually suggested a service dog, and Enola became my partner in recovery.
The Silent Struggles of Healing
For seven years, I rarely left home without Enola or someone I trusted. I lived in fear, trapped in my mind, questioning whether I could ever feel normal again. Slowly, I began to rebuild my life.
Music, which had once been my escape as a dancer, was silenced by trauma. I spent the first year in isolation—no TV, no music, just silence. Gradually, I reintroduced music and movies, journaling my way through the healing process. Writing became a powerful tool to process my trauma and rediscover my voice.
Finding Strength Through Self-Defense
In 2017, I met a woman selling non-lethal self-defense tools. She helped me take the first steps toward regaining my confidence. I began practicing “what-if” scenarios, attended a sheriff’s self-defense course, and faced my fears in the “red-man suit” drill.
The first time, I faltered. But three months later, armed with determination and new techniques, I returned and conquered my fear. That moment marked a turning point. I promised myself I would never stop learning to defend myself.
Becoming a Tactical Self-Defense Instructor
During the COVID-19 lockdown, I used the isolation to study and train. I connected with an instructor who taught realistic, trauma-informed self-defense techniques. Despite my initial hesitation—he resembled my abuser—I overcame my fears and joined his instructor team.
I earned over 1,000 hours of training and combat certifications, learning how to execute holds, pins, and strikes effectively. Now, I teach women how to defend themselves in a safe, trauma-free environment. My classes are designed for all skill levels, focusing on practical techniques that can be learned today for a safer tomorrow.
Empowering Others
Sharing my story has opened doors for connection and healing. Women who hear my journey often share their own, and I’ve made it my mission to help them. I want every woman to know they are not alone, that they can overcome the darkness, and that they have the right to not just survive but thrive.
A Motto to Live By
I wear my motto every day:
NEVER GIVE UP; BE YOUR OWN HERO.
Holly Reese, fueled by her experiences as a survivor, is now a certified tactical self-defense instructor. She empowers women through trauma-informed classes and inspirational speaking engagements. Holly’s mission is to raise awareness about domestic violence and teach women the skills they need to reclaim their lives.
Learn today to have a safer tomorrow.
Visit WarriorDefenders.com
